oh My Dear Yaya

Dear Yaya, 

I am so sorry for not being with you when you were diagnosed with Lymphoma Skin Cancer a year ago. I am so sorry for not hugging you when you were told about the cruel fact that you have to start a war with your sickness, with your pain, with your roller coaster like emotion, with all the uncomfort & crap condition. I am teribly sorry for whatever I can't do. I am so sorry for my fucking behavior. I am so sorry for everything, Yaya.

I love you. I love you so much. I am so sorry for not telling I love you more than i should. I am so sorry when I saw you in pain, vommiting everything, weak everytime after you chemo but I'm not saying anything. I remember back then when you shaved your head before you started all the chemo. However, you still you. The same Yaya, my beloved sister. Even now you can't walk properly after the tumour was removed from your leg, you still my Yaya, my beautiful Yaya.   

Oh My Dear Yaya,

Live is short. No one knows when is the end. No matter what happen to us is a blessings from Allah. This is His Love. This is His Mercy. Allah loves you, love us and that is the most important. You are strong. We are strong. A year had been passed. We face that together and we can pass many years to come, insyaAllah. All this shit will pass. This heartache will be healed. All this pain will be gone. For now, let face this together. Let fight this. 

From the bottom of your Eldest's heart, I Love You.

 

He Again (-.-)'

The first company trip on Aug 2019. Before all the shit of covid ni jadi. We went to Genting Highland. He drove the car all the way from Johor and aku duduk sebelah dia. Dalam sejarah ya, aku tak tidur pun sepanjang perjalanan tu. Sebab aku excited sangat. Ahaks!. and aku takut aku akan berdengkur punyeiii. We berhenti lunch dekat RnR Jejantas Ayer Keroh. Makan lunch pun duduk sebelah aku. Hikksss.

Then kita masuk dekat snow tu pulak. Aku dah lah tak tahan sejuk. So, sepanjang dalam snow place tu, aku berdiri je. Then member dengan bos aku pun jenis kuat menyakat. Diorang nak baling snow dekat aku. Oleh kerana shield yang terdekat tu dia je so I hid behind him while holding the corner of his jacket. We ate cotton candy together. Of course with all our friends and bos and also bos' kids. They all serang my one and only cotton candy (-_-)'

Pada hujung tahun 2019 pula, We pergi Perak then balik dari Perak tu we singgah cameron, tidur kat Cameron satu malam. We went there naik bus. Masa kat dalam bus, He lapar then i offered my bread. Mula-mula dia tak nak. We arguing la kan then sampai satu tahap i said, "you tak sayang i ke??" then dia ambil and makan. I was like, okay, dia sayang aku. Hiksss again.

Masa dekat Pulau Pangkor. We naik bot for island hoping. Then last sekali we mandi pantai. At first just me and my one friend. Yang lain semua cari makan. Then dia datang with his favourite food which is sotong goreng tepung. Then dia offer we makan. How can we eat, tangan we kotor right. Then he feed me. HALLO!!! HE FEED ME!!! FEED ME!!  nasib baik aku tak pengsan. Well, dia feed my friend juga. We like adik-adik yang di jaga abangnya. This is not the end ya.

Next, dia pergi tukar baju since we pujuk dia join sekali kitorang dekat pantai tu. Masa dekat pantai tu, the air pantai macam tarik kitorang ke tengah taw. So macam unbalance sikit. Tapi aku ni degil, masih nak kedalam sikit. Takkan nak main kat tepi je an. Mana syok, tak mencabar. But, he held my hand so that i tak hilang balance and aku boleh la main dengan bahagia. Which I was. Aku rasa selamat. Aku rasa bahagia. My hand in his for some time. 

Tak habis situ ya. Even kitorang dah habis session lovey dovey kitorang dekat pantai tu, we continued dekat kolam mandi at our challet. Then, dah nak maghrib, we ada event pulak malam tu, so kena naik untuk bersiap la kan. Of course aku tak nak naik, I was hugging his arm pretending not wanted to leave the pool which was I really don't want and he pulled me out. Dalam air berani la, sebab ringan sikit. Hahaha....

Kalau nak dirumuskan cerita ni, Dia ni lah lelaki pertama yang layan aku macam perempuan. Very gentleman and well manners. Sometimes kuat mengusik juga. Don't made me start cerita masa we tengok movie sama sama. Omaigad this guy arrr, really like to tease people. Masa we pergi Desaru was the start of everything. Masa tu we start rapat. I miss him. Really miss him sebenarnya. Dia ni macam gift or sesuatu yang buat aku lupa yang aku pernah terluka. Temporary je la.  

A lot of things happened. That I can never forget and I don't want to. Sebab tu aku buat posting ni. Sebab aku tak nak lupa all the memories, the feelings, the people and of course Him. 

xoxo, Bai 💋

He

Everything started with "wo ai ni"😅

Dia nak ajar aku macam mana cakap "i love you" in chinese so i can said that to my friend through walkee talkee. But then he just said that "wo ai ni" out of blue. Aku pura pura lah terkejut, kekonon memang intention dia nak cakap perkataan tu kat aku, then aku pura pura blushing la tapi sebaliknya. Dia yang blushing. Telinga dia dengan muka dia merah betul. Masa tu dia masih ada pipi yang comel. Hehe... My intention just wanted to teased him.

Pada awalnya, cuma bergurau. Cuma mengusik. 

Then once, we had to went to client's office for some works. It happened that day was my birthday. And during lunch, He excused himself. So, aku ingat dia pergi toilet lah. Sebab dia memang suka pergi toilet. But then dia balik semula at our table with a piece of  Tiramisu cake. And it's for me. That thing was the sweetest thing that a guy ever did to me. And he never missed to sent me cake every year even after he resigned. During MCO, he even made a group video call for my birthday celebration. Sweet namateyyyy. Tahap potong kaki punya beb.

Whenever we outstation, He always be the one who carried the bag full of documents. He always had this gesture of "ladies first". He will let me walk first. He opened the office door for me and ask me to walked in first. Ask me what to eat. He will prioritize other people before himself. Ada one time tu, we go meeting client, just us, not with the rest of the team. And it happens that day was valentine day. I am not celebrate that day. Just mention it ya. Then we go lunch together at this sushi place. He loves sushi ya. So, makanan kitorang pun sampai lah satu persatu. Last sekali was chicken karage. Macam ayam goreng la gitu. Then dekat saucetu diorang lukis love shape guna mayo. Me & him like. Sambung je makan macam tak ada apa apa yang terjadi. Hiks   

I remembered that one fine rainy days, we shared umbrella together. Macam drama korea kan?? I know but I don't care. I experienced that and I love that. Not once but twice. Melting teruk! 

Aku ni minah rempit tak berapa nak sejati la. One fine day aku pergi la kerja, ride my Honda wave cabuk tu. Then hujan selebat lebatnya ekk. Sampai office, I was drenched. Like baru lepas pergi waterpark. Then aku call my mother to hantar my baju kering. Then, He volunteered himself nak pergi pick up baju aku tu kat bawah. Gentleman nya awak ni. Pick up dekat ibu aku okay. Like my mother. Even though it's not like first time actually. Before tu pernah je jumpa my mom masa dia datang beraya kat rumah. This man full with manners.😍😍😍

Before the covid happen, macam early covid era tu la, suddenly i got sick taw, demam. Then bos i cakap I kena separated from my collegues la. So, aku diasingkan di dalam old file room. My bestie bagi me water & medicine then let me rest la before my family come to pick me up. Then this guy punya comel, dia masuk that room then pura pura geledah old boxes, macam looking for something. Then, dia tanya I okay tak, then keluar tak bawak apa apa pun. He was literaly checking on me ya. I am touched! I mean by my heart la.

okay...we sambung part 2, sebab terlalu panjang kalau nak share in one post je. Let make it drama 40 episode. Till Then.

xoxo😘

 

Life Updates

Assalamualaikum
Its been a long... so long time kan?
Aku masih seketul Baizura yang sama, muka yang sama (cuma semakin tua, maklumlah collagen dah kurang), badan yang sama (mungkin dah lagi kembang), 

dan hati yang sama...Hmmmm..yup, hati yang sama 😔(sigh!)

Summary of my life since 2015 until now is January 2023 

What happened to Ms Baizura this past few years??? 

1) Career 

 ~ Mary Kay Independent Beauty consultant - dunno nak cakap, cuma dah tak ada customer and dah lama gila tak buat sales, so tak menarik

 ~ Account Executive Cum Admin (Jul 2015- Nov 2022) - Sepanjang tahun ni, macam macam yang dah jadi, selain daripada tekanan kerja, tekanan lady bos aku, dan segala tekanan tekanan lain yang hampir membuatkan aku gila. YA, GILA. Hampir ya. Aku juga berkenalan dengan office mates yang super duper baik. And this one special "office mate", I will make one special post for this person.

 ~ Now, bekerja sebagai accountant kot, since aku buat account company bos aku dan client dia. Sebab tak ada offer letter and etc. So gitu la. Aku plan takkan habiskan masa lama dekat sini. Just one year. Sebab aku nak buat kerja lain, Kerja apa?? tu masih dalam pemikiran. Tak tahu lagi. Nak cari kerja yang aku happy and tenang and boleh bagi money freedom and time freedom.

2) Relationship?? Apa tu?? Sejenis makanan?? haiwan buas??? NOTHING KORANG!!!! HOPELESS

3) Family ~ this one agak berkecamuk juga. One of the biggest thing happened was my dearest Aliea, my sister was diagnosed with Lymphoma skin cancer, Stage 4. Still ongoing treatment. Then my one and only uncle, Pak Lang was passed away on 2020 because of his heart. Will posting everything later ya since this post macam teaser lah gitew

That is all I guess. Will update to you all people later ya.

Thanks for reading sayangs💕💕💕

XOXO💋